Believe It!

Free-writing again. This time, it’ll feel interrupted since I’m listening to music of Part 1 of Naruto.

Oh, how I’ve loved this show and the manga. I kind of can’t believe how many hours (which have probably amounted into days, weeks, months) of watching the anime, reading the manga, reading fanfiction, looking at fanart, and browsing through random people’s Tumblrs about it. Such a great story.

And it’s best not to get too bogged down in the negatives of the story (ask me about How I Met Your Mother, and I’ll have a different opinion). It’s like with people, at least for me: treat them fairly, with understanding and compassion, and do criticize them. Because when you love something, you’ll do and say what you think is best for them. And you criticize out of love. Because you love the thing or the person so much. Right?

Anyway, I’m feeling nostalgic because the manga is ending in a couple of weeks. It’s run for 15 years, which is wow, amazing. It’s hard to believe, and at first I was feeling indifferent about it, but it has taken up so much of my life, and for good reason. You know I love a good story. And as flawed as Naruto was, I still can’t help but acknowledge how it’s left an impact on my life. For the better, I think. The music, for one, is great for working out and even for studying (I can’t help but remember using it to study for a psychology test once). You end up admiring the intelligence and creativity put into that world and its characters. Especially the main character. Naruto has been a positive force in my life: he’s optimistic, resilient, confident, and compassionate. Definitely in an out-of-this-world kind of way, but it’s nonetheless admirable.

When I started writing this, I was feeling upset that my dad said I needed to be more flexible when it came to the job search. Honestly, I am flexible. Just not in the way he sees it – or in the way his generation or cultural/socioeconomic group sees it. I’ve read before that there are three ways to see work: a job, a career, or a calling. I’m definitely the third. How can I not be? I feel existential despair whenever something doesn’t go the way I planned or wanted in my career path, and I have to love the work that I do. I can’t settle for less on this, or I’d be lying to myself.

It’s definitely hard to go through life like this. I’ve been everywhere this year (which seriously just needs to end) when it came to what I wanted to do next: Master’s in Peace and Conflict Studies, Bachelor of Education, Master of Arts in Social Justice Education, Post-Graduate Certificate in International Development or Project Management or Alternative Dispute Resolution, and of course, anything in Creative Writing. It’s been stressful and unsettling. And it’s mostly because I’ve been confused about what I want and what I should do. My career counsellor told me that I should trust myself in making these kinds of decisions. I have felt confident before in what I wanted to do and what I was meant to do, but now… Do I still believe it?

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