I often feel like a fake adult. Before, I would work with children for a few days a week, and then work with adults either my own age or older. I felt a disconnect between the two – obviously communication style had to change – but I had also become incredibly aware of how small I felt in comparison with the other adults. It’s still weird to call myself an adult. But it’s weird to call myself a youth, because I’m not. And it’s also strange to call myself a young adult, because that reminds me of John Green books and teens (neither of which are terrible, by the way).
This is probably a problem that is common amongst other 20-somethings. We’re in a never-ending transitional period between graduating from school and looking for work or getting settled into a life we can be comfortable and happy with. That’s really difficult to do. I have no idea when I’ll reach that stage, and while I know that this is ultimately fine… I don’t feel fine with that right now. (I probably will be tomorrow, but you know how life is: you panic, then gain perspective, and then lose that perspective, panic again, and repeat.)
I don’t feel 100% fine with the fact that I don’t know what my life will be like when September hits, because that’s when my job contract ends. I’m not okay with the fact that I have a lot of free time and still have to form the habit of being productive in the way I want to be. I’m a little annoyed that I’m still scared of trying new things and asking for what I want.
I also don’t like that there are times when I don’t feel like I’m good enough. “I’m not worthy of being with other adults at this workplace, I’m not interesting enough to be in conversation with this person,” etc. If I were to step back and observe myself, I’d be annoyed by how often I feel this way. And I’d wonder just how long I plan to keep up this habit.
But I am trying to break that habit, and replace it with the habit of being kind and gentle towards myself. “Yes, I am good enough. I am more than enough. I am an amazing person and have accomplished so much. I do deserve success, whatever that may be for me.” It’s definitely a process, but one that’ll be good for me.
I have more thoughts on feeling like an imposter, which is really interesting considering how far I’ve come on my path towards fulfillment and being myself. I guess it’s my ego talking again – which is why I found it important enough to write two more posts about the imposter syndrome. Until next time!