Lately, I’ve been telling myself, “I am my own boss. I am my own boss.” This isn’t exactly a revelation to me; I’ve been made to believe this by former employers, supervisors, and pretty much all of the important people in my life. I’ve actually been asked, “Who is your boss?” by a former manager. When I hesitated, he said,”You. You are your own boss.” I’ll never forget that. Yes, I control my destiny. Yes, I am the one who makes the executive decisions in my life. Yes, I am the hero of my story. Seems so straightforward, doesn’t it?
But when you take somebody so wide-eyed and optimistic as me, and put me into a professional situation where there’s a not-so-subtle hierarchy and a hostility towards that hierarchy, things change. Yes, I still believe that I am my own boss. But in a way, I’m not the only boss. It’s unfortunate in some respects but understandable and fair in others, so this can feel conflicting at times. I am the one who is ultimately making decisions that impact me (as well as the organization I work for, of course!), and so I must remember that in order to maintain my sense of freedom and independence – as well as my mental health and well-being. However, I have to play the game of power and politics and go through a series of tests and obstacles in order to get through a door I’ve been so used to opening for myself. It’s strange, to say the least.
And yet, it’s interesting to see “actual” adults playing this game and often acting like children when things don’t go their way. It seems as though you never really leave high school. It’s a sad truth, but it’s a truth nonetheless. And it’s a truth I have to be mindful of whenever I go about my day and interact with real people with real problems and real feelings. Dealing with people has somewhat changed compared to my previous work experiences, but the core and heart of it all has been untouched. And I am thankful for that. I am thankful for the wonderful people I get to meet and work with everyday, and for the amazing opportunities that I have in my role.
However, and I say this with a smile on my face and with compassion in my heart, I am The Boss. I am the one in control. I am the sole decider. I am the hero. And I’m not about to let a job change that.