Uncontained

I went to see a psychic about a week ago. I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing; it felt like this was a precious secret and moment I had to keep to myself.

As soon as she opened the door to greet meet me, I felt a wave of love and energy. I won’t get into everything we talked about – and we talked about a lot – but I will share one of the first things she told me:

“You cannot be put into a box. Even if the box is big, it still can’t contain you. You are too big and too unique to be put into a box.”

That was a recurring theme throughout our session: being uncontained. It was something I’ve known all along, from the way I feel out of place and restless no matter where I was and who I was with, to constantly asking myself and the Universe how I could be more. A different kind of ambition from attaining accolades or adding letters to my name, dollars to my bank account.

Brene Brown wrote in her latest book, Braving the Wilderness, that true belonging is paradoxical. Quoting Maya Angelou, Brene shares how she has finally come to understand what it means to belong and to be free, and to be in the wilderness:

“You only are free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”

I did not realize I’ve been in that wilderness pretty much all my life until I read this book. Re-learning about my unique gifts and purpose in life over the past few months has been such a signficant thing to experience. Learning what it means to let go, to be abundant, to live lightly, and most importantly, to love yourself… these are lessons I’ve struggled to remember, and I sincerely hope that this time I finally understand.

These past few months, while supporting a rich inner world, have also seen some of the most isolating and lonely periods of my life. I’ve felt so separated from others, simultaneously wanting to shut out but also let in people. It was confusing, and to be honest it still is. But I guess this is what it means to be in the wilderness, to live uncontained. High price, great reward.

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